SEATTLE, WA — Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson fired her public relations consultant Thursday after he reportedly suggested laughing and waving goodbye to wealthy taxpayers “may not poll particularly well.”
According to sources inside City Hall, the consultant was dismissed shortly after presenting Wilson with preliminary research indicating that telling residents to leave is not traditionally considered a winning economic-development strategy.
“I just said we might want to workshop the messaging,” said former consultant Duncan, carrying a box of his things out of City Hall. “Maybe something like, ‘We value everyone who chooses to call Washington home.’”
Wilson reportedly shot down that critique, once again stating, “like, bye,” and gesturing to the door.
Duncan, a 340-pound western lowland gorilla, quietly gathered his belongings and left.
The 17-year veteran of political communications had served in the Wilson administration for six months after being recruited from Seattle’s Woodland Park Zoo, where officials said he had demonstrated an unusual aptitude for crisis communications and Microsoft PowerPoint.
Palmer reportedly tried one final time to explain that the mayor’s office may eventually need some of those millionaires to remain in Washington in order to tax them.
Sources described the room as “uncomfortable.”
“Duncan could be difficult,” said one City Hall staffer. “Sometimes you’d present an idea and he’d just sit there eating a banana and staring at you.”
“But then eventually you’d realize he had a point.”
City Hall has already begun searching for Duncan’s replacement.
According to sources, Wilson is looking for someone who will be less confrontational.
Alan, a capuchin monkey, is the current frontrunner for the position.